Are You SubGenius Material?

Are you SubGenius material? If so, there is a church for you, the Church of the SubGenius, founded in Dallas, Texas in 1981 by the Reverend Ivan Stang, a very clever satirist and promoter. The Church of the SubGenius is a group that vigorously satirizes conspiracy theories, UFOs, organized religions and popular culture in general.

Described as a mutant derivation of Discordianism, the Church of the SubGenius is extremely popular with net crawlers and hackers as a rich source of bizarre images and references to “Bob” the divine drilling equipment salesman, the Stark Fist of Removal and the Benevolent Space Xists. SubGenius followers are very concerned with the acquisition of “slack.” Discordianism, by the way, is a modern religion based on the idea that chaos is just as important as order. For this reason, Discordianism, like the Church of the SubGenius, is considered to be a parody religion.

History of the Church of the SubGenius
The Church of the SubGenius claims to have been founded in the 1950s by J.R. “Bob” Dobbs, the greatest salesman of all-time. J.R. “Bob” Dobbs has the appearance of a Ward Cleaver type 1950s businessman smoking a pipe. “Bob” built his own homemade T.V. set which subsequently provided him with a vision of Jehovah-1 (JHVH-1). The Church of the SubGenius claims that “SubGenius” has nothing to do with intelligence, of a level below genius or otherwise. It seems to be an effort to disassociate itself with pretentiousness. Church members believe they are SubGenius because being a Genius isn’t very fun. Church writings also make reference to a self-proclaimed SuperGenius, Wile E. Coyote.

Basic Tenets of the Church of the SubGenius

J.R. “Bob” Dobbs
The central figurehead and the main symbol of the Church is the visage of the pipe smoking J.R. “Bob” Dobbs in a 1950s clip-art style. He is considered to be the best salesman of all-time. J.R. “Bob” Dobbs was killed in San Francisco in 1984 – possibly as a publicity stunt. He has risen from the dead and been killed several times since (more publicity stunts?).

The whole mystical aura around “Bob” Dobbs centers on his awesome briar wood smoking pipe. The sacred pipe is said to contain a mysterious substance known as “habafropzipulops” or “frop” which can contain either divine powers, hallucinogenic powers or mystical powers. According to the Church of the SubGenius, varying images of the pipe smoking “Bob” Dobbs can be seen on random objects everywhere and is considered to be an omen, or the images appear for no reason at all. The number 13,013 is the Number of “Bob” and is often called the Mark of Dobbs.

The Concept of Slack
The main belief of the Church of the SubGenius centers around the pursuit of “slack” which is the freedom, independence and original thought that occurs when one’s personal goals are achieved. The Church believes we were all born with slack (Original Slack) but it has since been stolen away by a “conspiracy of normal people.” Of course, the Church of the SubGenius promises deliverance from this unacceptable situation.

Clenches
Members of the Church of the SubGenius who live in the same area are encouraged to join a group or club called a “clench.” Oddly enough, some of these clenches brand and market themselves as their own religion; a practice thoroughly embraced by the Church of the SubGenius. This practice is known in Church circles as a “schizm.”

Devivals
A devival is a SubGenius gathering which often occurs in night clubs and involves stand-up comedy, preaching and rock bands. Attendees are encouraged to generously open their wallets at the swag tables during these events and give until it hurts. In fact, the Church of the SubGenius is an incorporated profit-making business and proudly states that it is the “only religion that is proud to pay its taxes.”

X-Day
The Church of the SubGenius had been predicting the world would be destroyed on July 5, 1998 by an army of invading aliens known as the X-ists (short for “Men from Planet X”). Only members of the Church were expected to be saved from this SubGenius Apocalypse by being carried away on the spaceships of the Sex-Goddesses. This event is also referred to by the Church as “the rupture.” Although the earth was not destroyed on that day, some say that the event actually did occur in some allegorical or metaphysical manner. X-Day is celebrated every year as a holy day by the Church of the SubGenius.

The Church of the SubGenius is an organization for “mutants, blasphemers, disbelievers, rebels, outcasts, hackers, freethinkers,” and people who generally consider themselves outside the “mainstream” of society.