War Is Nuts!

Seen all those squirrels running amok in your yard? Are they dropping acorns on your head and messing with your bird feeder? Seems that suburbia is under attack from a sneaky little army of well-equipped rebel squirrels. Who funds these insurgent rodents is not exactly clear, but it is increasingly evident that the rebel squirrel army is operating with advanced high-tech weaponry, commando training and cute little squirrel helmets.

According to sources, there is a rebel squirrel army that is based in the Mammoth Cave area of Kentucky. The FBI believes a squirrel named Stockton Dupres runs a terrorist training camp where rebel insurgent squirrels from around the country come to train and learn their irritating craft. Graduates from this terrorist squirrel camp are thought to be involved in the dirty war now being waged against squirrel hunters across the south. It is also believed that the rebel squirrel army is heavily involved in covert bird feeder raids and the launching of acorns and pecans at any human within range.

In response to the recent upsurge in rebel squirrel activities, a special elite force of highly trained squirrel eradicators has been formed to rid our suburbia of the invading rebel squirrel forces. Let’s wish our troops much luck because as we all know, it’s very hard to chase down a squirrel, much less a rebel squirrel. Dang critters!